It’s been a long time since I just wrote about everything or nothing. Heck it’s been a long time since I felt like I could sit at the computer and just write without the distractions of everyday life. It’s the middle of July and I cannot believe it. I feel like the rest of the world is consistently months ahead of me. To me it feels like it should be late spring….not the middle of summer. Trust me… with temperatures in the high 30’s (100 degrees fahrenheit) I’m very aware that it’s summer, it just doesn’t feel like it should be this late in the year already. Time is going by soooo fast and I just want it to slow down. Am I the only one that feels this way?! Sometimes I wonder that if maybe I just ignored the calendar that time would slow down but ignorance isn’t always bliss. I blink and then my son is another month older… nine and a half now to be exact.
I have mixed feelings about it all. Feelings of excitement and nostalgia when I look back on those months. It’s been so exciting to see my little man grow up and explore the world around him but I can’t help but feel sad that all this time has gone by so quickly. As a mom we are always excited and anticipating the next milestone. I can’t wait until he smiles. I can’t wait until he rolls over. I can’t wait until he crawls. But when that milestone hits it’s hard not to wonder. Did I enjoy that phase enough? Did I relax enough? Did I talk to him enough? Did I play with him enough? Did I give him enough space? One thing I do know…… is that I always loved him enough.
There is a fine balance when it comes to being a stay at home mom. It’s a juggling act of doing what makes you feel at ease. Some women can forget all about household duties and with laundry strewn across the floor, a sink full of dishes and toys in every corner they are able to take a nap. Unfortunately I am not one of those moms. My advice to new moms… when baby sleeps…. do what makes you feel at ease. If having a nap while the house is a disaster is going to leave you feeling even more overwhelmed when you wake up then it’s not worth it. If reading a book is what makes you feel good than do that. Honor where you are. I personally like an organized home because a messy house mentally clouds my mind. My kitchen is usually clean and laundry is usually caught up because it makes me feel relaxed and therefor I am a happier mom. I also like the development skills that my son gains by learning to play quietly beside me without needing my attention every second. But do I sometimes feel guilty when he is playing by himself while I am tidying up or paying bills? Yes. But I also love the independence and confidence that it gives him to explore and play alone. Because we all need moments to ourselves.
It is in those quiet moments when we are truly present that time actually slows down a little. Being present in each moment is something that I am practising every day. It allows us to stop and be grateful for exactly where we are and how we feel. Not where you were yesterday or the stresses of tomorrow. So although some days seem filled with never-ending errands and the constant work of taking care of a house, I still make time to stop for a minute and just be. Be in love with be-ing a mom.
If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you will be grateful when you get what you don’t have?